No 'Poor Shaleen'

If Shaleen was poor, she was poor in that way that artists are poor - the way they navigate the vagaries of job-to-job income, the managing that income for the times it only goes out, and trusting in your ability to produce what is desired without compromising who you are and what you stand for. That the Industry not only necessitates this approach, but does everything in its power to make even that a further fraught and fretful reality, is denied only by those swelling from suckling on the fat of ownership, privilege and systemic bias. This was the reality then, when our generation where excluded from companies, stages and screens, as it is now - when only objection to an obvious lack of representation or inclusion on the basis of said representation (you read it right, it's a lose-lose situation) affords us opportunity to excell at what we feel called to do. Allow me, for a moment, to rip the scabs off old pain. Just a moment. Maybe Basil Coetzee. Maybe Errol Dyers. Is your memories now off them broken and desperate? Of starving and neglected, tossed aside and forgotten, naught but manifest as has-beens? Where were you when they had nothing to eat, nowhere to sleep, no-one to which they could turn? Were you asking the President, Ministers, Government then also? Well, how are you now asking the same thing still? Basil was a phenomenal artist. As was Errol. I know they were loved. In memory of them cannot be this image of the used cast asunder. It is not true. Is that what the Industry did to them? That's what the Industry does to us. We are exploited, abused and misrepresented (of course- though predominantly- not always) pretty much at the mercy of opinion, flavour and trend. Finances are a constant, nagging worry shadowing life and work, eating away at your confidence, peace and positivity. I do not know anyone from the generations who didn't bear that anxiety customized for their doubts and insecurities.

But do we end up then, miserable and poor? Lives tainted by lack, existences obscured with obsolescence, talent tarnished by disregard? How do we end now these unloved, un-cared for, forgotten shells, worthy of pity and a deeper sorrow (even if that's not possible)?

Shaleen might not have had money, but she was extraordinarily rich. She was loved with a passion few people are. She was cared for in moments of crisis by dear and intimate friends - of which she had many. She had enduring, lifelong friendships. In her family, she was Shaleen. Just that. And loved, for that. If she was alone, that was her choice. If there is a thing I respect more about Shaleen than her talent, it would be her ability to make the big life-choices and hold herself accountable to them. I fell into the Performing Arts. Shaleen, out of a whole other life, chose it. At a time when it wasn't really meant for us. Shaleen was not poor. She wasn't broken. She wasn't suffering. She was busy doing what Shaleen did : Working to sustain herself. Oh you thought you heard her complain in an interview? She wasn't complaining - she was red-flagging something for the rest of you. My friend was a very intelligent woman, do not insult her - did you run with the opening she created? Or is it now that you realize what she meant? Then bide your time. Wait. You still have many moments to speak on. This is not one of them I hope I sound like I'm raging, because deep-down it feels like I am - and maybe I'm raging in the wrong direction, grief brings a perculiar tilt to the lens - but I wish for you to grasp it in the calm tone you require to give it gravity. Thus. My friend's life and death, till after her funeral, bears enough for it to be the be-all and end-all of what any of this is about: Shaleen, The Queen And Her Greatness

It is only what she deserves

*

After our last catch-up I really felt so inspired, so moved by how easily the love flowed between her and my Moena and my Mien. And I remember telling them, as we were languishing in the afterglow of being visited by Shaleen here in The District: 'That is Shaleen.

She is a Force Of Nature.

She's going to be more than OK' And you know, She is SP