Return To Hotnotsgot

It feels like I've always wondered 'Who Am I'? But not in a way that I questioned how I looked, thought or behaved - I really am one of those weird people who, whilst experimenting with trends, is completely happy with how I look. Did it bother me when as a child the colour of my skin was at issue? The coarseness of my hair? The flatness of my nose? The way I spoke? Yes it did - but not in a way that I wanted to change those things about myself, rather that those who found these things about me problematic changed their perception of its appropriateness. Part of growing up in Cape Town though, and looking like I do, meant that sooner (in fact so soon that it happens before you even have the capacity for understanding what's being said) rather than later I was identified as 'Boesman' and it was not meant as an affirmation or compliment, with the result that I understood that even within the context 'Coloured' I was part of the 'less desirable' expression of who that title identified. So, I also learned that 'European ancestry' was preferable, that I could 'improve my lot' by aspiring to be more like my lighter-skinned, straighter-haired compatriots, and that 'Coloured' was something that was identified as 'not' - not really a people, not really a culture, not really 'wanted'. That much of what was discussed about Coloured people covered what was 'wrong' with them. So when I found this facility for entertaining people, for making them think, for getting them to engage, my desire was to give voice to 'the less desirable', give context to 'the unacceptable', and affirm 'the unwanted'. I was the 'Swa't Enetjie' (the little black one) in my family (where it was still done with affection, my brother had a bridge - his nose, not his teeth - my cousin was even fairer than him, my best friend had green eyes), I appreciated the black sheep (the politics of family) and their living the consequences of their choices, and I was constantly inspired by everyone's capacity for survival, especially those who fashioned lives out of nothing. If my self-penned works have been about anything, it's been about identity. Take Two, The Heppie Hawker, Rosie September (whom Ivan Lucas did first - long story, but that's the gist of it) Woeskroes, Hotnotsgot. Hotnotsgot was when I first found anchorage in my work. Till then I'd been playing in the field between what Theatre is 'meant to be' and what I learnt from my community about Performance, and it must be noted that I grew up in a community of Performers. With Hotnotsgot I chose to deliberately look at the need to perform. My research led me to The Mantis. To an Original understanding of Show And Tell. The place of The Storyteller As Shaman in The Community. I loved doing the work. Writing it, rehearsing it, performing it. For whatever it meant to an audience - certainly the feedback was incredibly positive - I can vouch for the personal growth it engendered. It felt like being community, for community. I come to the work again now as director. I'm at an interesting stage of my life. Where before I voluntarily relinquished self in artistic endeavour, I find myself now also fascinated by the context of work from a First Nation perspective. Not that it means all artistic endeavour should be thus coloured (no pun intended), but that the thus-coloured (pun intended) should be conscious of its context. Hotnotsgot, at its most basic a channeling of community, is a great opportunity to investigate the ability of someone to channel community, and why that should be treasured. I first came to Hotnotsgot sure of who I wanted to be as an artist. I'm now also sure of who I want to be as a person. I ask less 'Who Am I?' these days. Much more 'Who Are You?' I think that might just be First Nation prerogative SP Day 27042014